Time for a change!

I really need to change some things around in my life. You might be thinking, “Helen, you moved from Rochester to Houston for a teaching job, straight out of college, without knowing anyone in the Houston-area– isn’t that change enough?!” And I will reply that yes, moving has been a huge change, but it is a change in surroundings. I need a change in me.

I need to start taking better care of myself. I need to eat healthier, exercise, get some more hobbies, and actually follow through. I will be the first to admit that many times I love the planning more than the actual doing, but I really need to get motivated somehow. When I was in college it was easier to be healthy and work-out because I was surrounded by friends who were doing the same. Now, it’s just me and apparently I have lost the power of self-motivation.

It is a power I need to regain. I have accepted that I’m a person who isn’t good at finishing things, or sticking with plans. I need to change that. Obviously, when it comes to school and work, I’m great at completing my tasks, but for some reason, when it comes to doing things for me, I give up easily.

I feel that making these changes will lead to a happier me and a more fulfilling life. There is so much out there to see, and I want to be ready to see it.

What’s that a-cookin???

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What’s that smell? Why is the kitchen on fire?? You guessed it– I have officially kicked off my weekend hobby of cook-blogging! If you look at the links at the top of my blog, you will notice I have a home page, an about me page, and now a cook-blog! page. It is my goal to update this page with a new recipe and pictures every weekend. Today I made BBQ Cheeseburger Sliders! Check out the yummy pictures by visiting my cook-blog! page. Hope you enjoy! Happy eating!

Adventure in Downtown Houston!

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So last night was Saturday and I decided that I wanted to go out and discover a cool bar or club in Houston. I called up my friend (1 of 2 that I have here) and we decided that we would find a free place to chill and maybe get a cheap drink. So we looked online, found a few promising places downtown and decided to search the GPS and just go for it! We get on the highway– all is well– then construction forces to take a detour. By the time we are downtown, it’s about 10:15. Not bad for a Saturday night. So– we begin navigating our way around Houston’s maze of 0ne-way, metro-infested streets to find our destination: Charbar. So, we get to the street where Charbar is, we see it, nestled in between a string of other promising looking places– but parking is a huge issue. There is no streetside parking in site, so we begin the hunt for lots and garages– only to be sorely offended and find that most parking in downtown Houston at night ranges from $8 to $10! Seriously!!?? After driving around in dizzying circles for a bit, we decide to re-group. My friend mentions this Skyline Bar that her dad has been telling her about that’s at the top of a hotel downtown. Apparently it’s supposed to be super amazing and we figure since it’s at the top of a hotel, there should be parking right? It sounds good, so we type Skyline Bar into the GPS and it comes up with the address, which leads us a few streets over to the Hilton– well this must be it, we think. After going around the block once (because who likes to do things right the first time), we pull into the Hilton parking garage to check out prices, assuming they will be outrageous. 0-30 min.– free! 30 min.-1 hour– $4! Not bad, we agree– we’ll only stay for like 45 mins, so we pull in and park. Then the fun really begins. We enter the Hilton through the garage and just start wandering around. At this point, we haven’t seen any signs indicating that the Skyline Bar is indeed at the top of this hotel, so we are still a little unsure. We go up a few escalators, then find the elevators and start randomly trying different floors. At this point, it feels like we are 2 teenagers who have snuck into the Hilton on a whim looking for booze and practical jokes. We head up to floor 19 (which is the highest our elevator will go) and peek out– no bar in sight. Just hallways and vending machines. We try a few more floors the same way. The elevator stops, we peek out of the doors, expecting at any moment to be apprehended by security on the grounds of simply looking suspicious– but alas, nothing comes of our elevator tour. So we head down to the lobby, where we noticed the hotel bar and a hotel restaurant, thinking that perhaps we were misinformed about this supposed “bar in the sky.” However, in the lobby we notice that there is a sign for the West elevators, which seem to go up to floor 24, marked the Skyline floor. In a flurry of excitement, we rush to the West elevators, and rise to the 24th floor– the Skyline level. We creep into the deserted hallway and see a pair of heavy glass doors marked Skyline. We found the Skyline Bar! My stomach turning, I reach out and yank on the frosted blue door. As we peer inside we see a darkened room with a deserted bar. After our adventure, we finally found the Skyline bar– but it was closed! What kind of bar closes at 11 pm on a Saturday?? LAME! So we decide to go back down to the lobby, grab an expensive drink in the hotel bar, and head out. At he end of the night, we regretted not finding a cool little local bar, but greatly enjoyed our romp through the Hilton. I’ll have to try the whole downtown thing again next week– maybe meet someone familiar with the area to help guide me. Or I could find out how to use the Metro system. Either way, there will be many more adventures to come!

Cook-blogging. New hobby?

Cover of "Julie & Julia"

Cover of Julie & Julia

I have been inspired ny the movie Julie and Julia for some time, and I think I should start cook-blogging. I should just pick a cookbook and try to cook my way through it. Where to start, though? How do I even choose a cookbook that is plausible for my skill level?? I think this should just be a weekend thing too because during the week I have to teach and grade papers and do lesson plans. Maybe this could be a cool weekend hobby. I just moved to the Houston area a month ago so I still don’t know many people. Hmm… Helen Johnson– teacher on the weekdays, chef on the weekends? I could do it. Start this weeend. I need to pick a cookbook!

Little Ashes

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I watched Little Ashes last night. It’s a movie centered on the eccentric life of artist Salvador Dali and his questionable friendship with poet Federico Garcia Lorca. Robert Pattinson was cast as Dali– a bold move, which paid off in the end. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about Pattinson tackling the role of the eccentric, mustachioed artist, but  truly captured Dali’s over the top antics, artistic passion, and complex sexuality issues. After watching the film, I of course wanted to research Dali’s life and see how his actual biography compared. I was astounded and pleased to learn that much of the film was accurate to his life. So often times Hollywood biographies take too many liberties with the lives of the people that they are depicting; however, this is not the case in Little Ashes. Although some scenes may be out of sequence, the director took immense care to not deviate too much from Dali’s real life.

There are a few scenes, however, that are questionable. There is an implied love affair throughout the movie between Dali and Lorca, with a few scenes of the two men kissing, but not getting further. At one point they attempt to consummate their love, but Dali rejects Lorca, saying that “it hurts.” While Dali was still alive he had denied any allegations of homosexuality, insisting that Lorca came onto him, but he rejected. However, it is rumored that near the end of his life, Dali admitted to having some sort of romantic relationship with Lorca.

Whether this relationship happened or not, it is obvious from the film that Dali suffered from a lot of sexual problems. In the film, whenever Dali would get close with Lorca in a physical way, he would start to shutter and have a panic attack. Although the reason is not explained in the movie, outside research suggests that the reason for his sexual intimacy problems stemmed from his father. His father, being of a very strict religious background, discouraged Dali from engaging in any type of intercourse and began showing him pictures of inflamed syphilis and other sexually transmitted diseases when Dali was a young boy. These pictures stayed with Dali his whole life and haunted him to the point that he equated all sex with these awful pictures.

Pattinson does a wonderful job portraying Dali’s confusion at his own sexuality and his desire for human contact. Perhaps one of the most depressing and twisted scenes is the film is when Lorca makes love with a female friend and Dali watches from a corner in the room, supposedly masturbating. It is implied that because of his fears, this is the closest he can be to someone in a sexual manner.

The end of the film is very emotional– Dali ascends to wealth and power in Paris, marries a socialite (Gala), and shuts Lorca out of his life, apparently overwhelmed by Lorca’s love for him. He sees Lorca one last time and offers to collaborate on an opera with him, but Lorca refuses, asserting that Dali has changed and is no longer the same person he once knew. Lorca then is kidnapped from his family home and executed by Spanish Nationalists who do not agree with the poet’s outspoken, free-thinking ideas.

The last scene in the film is Dali, receiving the news of Lorca’s death, and covering a canvas and himself with black paint. He is crying, and the passion on his face suggests that perhaps Lorca was the only person he had ever loved.

In all the film was moving, and very well-made. Pattinson did a wonderful job playing Dali, and should get credit for taking on this daring role. It was the kind of movie that you watch and think, “Wow, that guy was really messed up.” Pattinson, of course, does not usually get recognized for his off-beat movies because mainstream America does not seem to approve. Sadly, Pattinson has to keep the charade of Twilight going just a little longer. Hopefully, once the series is over, he will get recognized for his true talent as an actor– not just his sparkly skin and his vampire status.

Fooled Again

Dear Friend,

I thought you were different–

I thought you were a gem.

I carelessly trusted you

Like a child catapulting into

The dark waters of a pool

Expecting someone to catch him.

But he sees no smiling face waiting.

He feels no strong arms hold him up.

He simply sinks below the water

As it fills his lungs and he chokes.

Even at the bottom of the pool

He waits to be rescued.

He senses that the end is near

But he clings to the bottom of the pool–

Waiting.

Oh misogyny, let me be!!!

Maybe selecting to do my 1500-2000 word review on John Updike for Contemporary Lit. was a bad idea.

I mean, in the beginning, Updike was wonderful. I cherished his Ollinger stories and even a lot of his later short stories about married life and so on. I fell in love with his nostalgic way of depicting middle America. He made the monotony of a common life look somehow hopeful.  I was truly swept off my feet as a naive young girl is in the prime of her first mature relationship. I would readily praise Updike for the works I had read, even though I had heard of his descriptive sex scenes in other stories. It wasn’t until I started digging that I finally uncovered the grotesque skeleton in it’s entirity.

In just a few short chapters of Updike’s novel Rabbit, Run, my admiration of him dimmed. In a few more chapters, my admiration had been replaced by disgust. His descriptions of the women in the novel are degrading and harsh. His male lead, Rabbit, is a pure misogynist. He begins hating his wife on the basis that she has lost her physical beauty. Because of his unattraction to her, he runs off to sleep with a prostitute, Ruth. He refers to Ruth as pretty, while also describing her as fat, and not treating her like a person. He refuses to have any form of protection present while engaging in sex with her and forcibly removes her make-up. The character, Rabbit, continues down an ill- moraled path and by the end of the novel he leaves his wife and children yet again (whom he had gone back to previously in the story due to his wife’s pregnancy), and the book closes with him running off. Of course Updike has a whole array of sequels to this novel, but after the initial shock of Rabbit, Run, I don’t think I can stomach them.

Reading this novel lead me to think about John Updike as a true misogynist and after reading some reviews of his other works, descriptions of his stories, and a few interviews, I have come to the stark conclusion that he definitely is prone to misogynistic tendancies and thinks of women mainly as sex objects.

In an interview with SALON, Updike was asked his opinon on Nicholson Baker and the female criticism Baker has recieved for his controversial novel The Fermata, which tells the story of a man who is able to freeze time and uses this power to engage in erotic fantasies with women. Updike responded, saying:

“It was pretty fierce — fiercer than anything you’ll find in any of my fictions. Some of those sex scenes (laughs)… wiping your sperm out of a woman’s eyelashes is kind of … new. But what can you do? In a way you’re stuck in your own gender, and you have to sing your own song in the end. And you can’t be too worried about the essentially political reactions. He’s a very gentle and courteous guy who probably keeps these impulses for the written page. So women should be grateful for that — that he’s not out there raping and pillaging (laughs).”

The lightness with which Updike greets such a perverted story , frankly, upsets me. He jokes about how women should be thankful that the author is simply writing eroticism instead of  raping and pillaging. His joking manner only fuels my fury at his degrading views of women in literature and ultimately in the real world.

Perhaps this new found view of a writer I once idolized will add passion to my review of his work Rabbit, Run.  Perhaps I will soon be able to separate the wonderful short stories he has written from the stories that have greatly disturbed me. Perhaps not.

I don’t know how my feelings will change in the future, but for now John Updike and I are on a break.

Well, it’s been a long day…

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So I haven’t posted in awhile, but here I am.

It’s about the time in the semester where I start to get really stressed. The factors that play into this stress are:

1. HOMEWORK!

2. The ever popular flu symptoms that are consuming everyone

3. Ummm, upcoming student teaching

4. NYS education certification tests

5. Oh, that little thing called graduation and what to do afterwards

Not to mention the crappy Rochester weather that seems to dampen the spirits of everyone. Boo! :(

Aside from all these things, I try to keep a level head and give thanks for what I do have. I know it sounds weird, but in a way I’m thankful for all this stress. I mean, I have had the opportunity to get a good college education, and now I have the opportunity to have a good career (hopefully). What I’m getting at is that although I have never been an enthusiast for America, I’m glad I live here. I know that Americans get a lot of crap for being lazy, overweight, and over-privileged — but I like to try to stay in the percent of us who realize how lucky we were to be born here.

I guess mainly I’m just scared for what the future will hold. I’m scared to say goodbye to all my college friends and start over again in an unknown place. Yet at the same time, I’m enthralled when I think of the possibilities that post-Roberts life can hold for me.

I guess I just realize that I have a lot of life left to live, and I don’t want to take it for granted.

School’s out for summer, school’s out for… almost ever

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So I have successfully completed my junior year of college and can now be classified a senior (if  all my grades come in!). The summer has begun and as I think about the past year I wonder where the time has gone. A good friend graduated this year, along with many other close friends, and I think, soon that will be me. I feel like once the school year starts back up I’ll be propelled face-forward into non-stop forward motion. Before I know it I’ll be in my cap and gown, looking around, thinking about all the people I will miss.

I hate good-byes. When I turned 17 the good-byes started piling up and I haven’t been able to shake them since.  The hurt, the loss, the sadness behind each good-bye has grown, and I know te final one, at the end of my college years will be the hardest yet.

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